A Carlton man has called Nottingham City Council’s treatment of his mother’s grave ‘diabolical’ after tributes left to her were removed without warning.
Paul Mason, 54, from Carlton Hill, has complained to the council over items being removed from his mother’s resting place at Wilford Hill Crematorium cemetery in West Bridgford.
Mr Mason says he also received ‘unsympathetic’ treatment from a manager when he raised the issue.
His mother, Brenda, died in 1990 at the age of 55 and was buried at the cemetery, where he visits her resting place weekly.
Mr Mason says he noticed on February 2 that tribute items left on the grave, such as a plant box, a small planted bush and a solar light had been removed.
A new policy from October 2024 says the council will remove all tribute items and flowers left on graves without giving loved ones any notice.
After making a complaint to the council about the removed items, Paul said he was told signs had been pinned on notice boards about the rules.
He said: “No one’s going to pay attention to a notice board in a graveyard, it’s not the nicest of places to remember someone.”
Paul says he has also seen tyre marks left over graves from the site’s grounds team.
Paul’s father was the registered owner of the plot his mother is buried in, but his father died eight years ago- Paul was not made aware by his father that ownership would have to be transferred and the ownership expired around 2020.
The council told Paul that a letter was sent to the grave owner in October 2024 to make them aware of tribute changes, but this would have been addressed to his late father in an address he no longer lived in.
Paul questioned why no “common sense” was taken in the council’s correspondence and why it has not tried to contact another family member through a note left on his mother’s grave.
He said: “Why would I tell the cemetery my dad’s died, he’s not buried there, he wanted to be cremated, why would I go to Wilford Hill [to tell them]?
“Not only have they driven over and damaged graves, they’re picking on people like me that do look after the grave, they don’t care about anything.”
He says that he received ‘bolshy’ responses to his complaints from a cemetery manager who was ‘unsympathetic’.
He said: “[Their] attitude was appalling, they said ‘we have a policy that if you don’t own the grave, we can do what we like without permission’.
“It’s the principle, it’s diabolical, they think they can treat the graves like that, and grievers like that. The solace- they’ve took that away from me I find it quite offensive.
“I want to go to my mum’s graveside on my birthday morning, I don’t feel like I want to go, I feel like it’s marred my presence of being here, I feel like I’ve been robbed, it really is quite heart-wrenching.”
A Nottingham City Council spokesperson said: “We fully appreciate that this is a sensitive situation and we have been working with families for a number of years now and discussing options with them.
“There are two types of graves at our cemeteries: traditional graves that can have a headstone and larger kerbset, and lawn graves, which only allow headstones or an option for a smaller kerbset surround. All grave owners are made aware of rules about unofficial memorials and trinkets. This information is in the deed pack which is issued when a grave is purchased.
“This also includes ongoing projects – we are currently creating new grave spaces to accommodate the needs of the community. This requires the use of vehicles and equipment to carry out tasks efficiently and respectfully.
“Recent adverse weather conditions, including rainfall, frost, and occasional snow, have temporarily made the tracks more apparent. However, we want to reassure visitors that once our work is complete, all affected areas will be fully restored with topsoil and grass seed.”
Although I feel for this man. I know the ins and outs of this I’m the owner of my mum and Grandad parents plot at Carlton I need to have a change of ownership once my dad passes way so he can be buried with his mum and dad if he chooses to.